Dallas & Fort Worth Singles Matchmakers | How to Help a Friend in a Bad Relationship

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So your friend is dating a man you don’t particularly care for. Here at Dallas & Fort Worth Singles, we get it. We know these types of situations can be very difficult to handle: On one hand, you want your friend to be in a happy relationship, but on the other hand, if you say something to her, she might not take it well and destroy the relationship you both have. What should you do?

Every situation is different, but there are some points you can apply to your current situation. Today, Dallas & Fort Worth Singles matchmakers will show you how to help a friend in a bad relationship.

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1. Figure Out Your Motives

One of the challenges that comes with a friendship is that you tend to get closer to people who want similar things as you, but rarely can two relationships be the same. Being a good friend means finding space to be happy for your friend’s relationship even though you’re frustrated about being single yourself. This can be hard to do, but many people aren’t even conscious of it. When considering your friend’s feelings, make sure that your own insecurities and frustrations don’t get in the way. You don’t want your friend thinking you are doing it out of jealousy. And if you are bitter about being single, we encourage you to reevaluate why you’re really feeling a little concerned about your friend’s relationship.

2. Figure Out Your Responsibility

Odds are that you wouldn’t question whether to tell your friend she has a stain on the back of her shirt or that her underwear are showing, but it can be challenging to tell them your concerns about their relationship. We live in a ‘none of your business’ world, yet we buy things online because of the comments we read. It’s a fine line, and there is no perfect thing or way to say it.

A good friendship is one where you’re there for one another through thick and thin, sharing your concerns if you see something wrong. Ask yourself if you were in that situation, would you want your friend to say something to you? Your preferences might not be the same as hers, but it’s always good to try to turn things around.

3. See the Good Parts

As an outsider, you might see the situation in a very cut and dry way. But remember that relationships are very complex, and there is only so much you can view from an outside perspective. As unhealthy as you see it, keep in mind that it might be fulfilling for her.

Maybe he spoils her to death, maybe she is happy to be out of the dating scene, maybe she is happy to be in that relationship. Maybe he is different from all men she has dated in the past and is dating outside her comfort zone. Maybe you’re the only one who is not happy about her relationship.

4. Get Your Concerns in Order

The very frequently used line, “I don’t see it” doesn’t say much except that you don’t see it. When someone tells you they don’t see it, your defensive reaction will respond with something along the lines of, “Well, you don’t really know him,” and you’ll be inclined to tune out what they’re saying.

You need to remember that your deal breakers are completely different than hers. Before you approach her about your concerns, you need to make sure they are legitimate: Is he dishonest? Does he seem depressed most of the time? Is she being used by him? Has her personality disappeared? Does it seem like she is waiting for him to change? Our Dallas & Fort Worth Singles matchmakers advise you to get your concerns in order before approaching her.

5. Don’t Judge Her

The way you come in will have a huge role in how you express yourself. If you come in as though you were a judge, she’s probably going to get in a defensive stance. But if you come in as a good friend who loves her and wants to make sure she is okay, she is going to have a different tone. Remember that when you bash the man she is dating you’re not just bashing him, you’re also putting down her decision making skills. Moreover, women tend to vent to their close friends about the negative aspects of their relationship, so you might have only heard about his shortcomings rather than his good side.

6. Plan Everything Carefully

Setting up an intervention will not go as well as it does on TV. The more dramatic of an intervention, the more you risk losing your friendship. Don’t ambush your friend with a group of friends. If she feels like she is being cornered, it might be difficult to say the things she wants to say. It’s up to you to calmly and lovingly voice your concerns.

7. Ask Permission to Voice Your Concerns

Don’t just give her an earful; instead, our Dallas & Fort Worth Singles matchmakers encourage you to say something along the lines of, “I have some concerns, do you want to hear them?” You need to give your friend the option to choose whether she wants to hear them or not. For all you know, maybe she has already thought about ending the relationship, or maybe she doesn’t want to hear what you have to say. Be wise with this delicate situation.

8. Wait for the Outcome

Once you say what you have to say, it’s your turn to wait for the outcome. She could react in several ways: She might agree with you, she might argue with you, or she might tell you that she knows what she’s doing and that you have no clue what’s going on. She might thank you for sharing your thoughts or tell you to hit the curb.

At the end of the day, if you’re doing it for the right reasons, because you care for her, then you’ll remind yourself that the goal is not to be right but rather to help your friend. If what you told her turns out to be right, refrain from saying things like, “I told you so.”

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